And my inner journey…
As long as I can remember I have been very curious and I felt many things. From an early age I wanted to understand more about why I am here on Earth and was somehow convinced that there had to be a reason for it.
I felt a deep knowing within myself. From this deep knowing I always felt that everything and everyone is connected, that we are one and for example that the pyramids are proof of something much bigger. Pyramids, which I was taught in school to stand alone in Egypt, but now I know they stand all over the world and indeed serve for something much greater! It’s all about energy and that’s what I could always feel. Energy.
So as a child I was convinced of it, only I didn’t understand exactly where I got this wisdom from. I just knew it on a deeper level.
As I got older and went to high school, I often felt different, misunderstood and lonely. Because of my high sensitivity and feeling “different”, I started to adapt and I tried to fit into all the boxes and to belong. But that took me a far from myself. When my father suddenly died of a cadiac arrest during my senior year, a painfull and difficult period began. My world literally came to a standstill and I lost myself fairly during that period.
Four years later, the moment came when I felt really burned out and depressed. I hardly got out of my bed and my thoughts went in all directions. In my head it was choas and I hardly recognized myself in my behavior. I was knocked down and in survival mode. I couldn’t feel clearly anymore and I really didn’t know what to do with myself.
When I was at my lowest point, all of a sudden that one sentence from my childhood came into my mind. “Listen to your heart, what your heart tells you”. I clearly felt my fathers energy and it felt very strongly that he wanted to remind me of these words!
This gave me the strenght and courage I needed to continue and listen to my intuition again. From that moment on, I managed to change course step by step. By constantly following with what was the best for me, I grew tremendously and became more and more aware of what it really meant to follow my heart.
It bought me more light and love in one of my darkest hours and I gradually found pieces of myself back again. I started to listen to my inner world and felt the loving guidance more and more inside myself. How intense all these experiences were, I gained the most beautiful and valuable insights because of them. The intense feelings of loneliness, incomprehension, powerlessness and intense sadness have ultimately made me look at life differently and it brought me more awareness about myself. By being more and more open to my intuition, I experience synchronicity in my life.
It all brought signals on my path and so I rolled from one thing to another. For example beautiful books written by Pamela Kribbe about Yeshua and Maria Magdelena, youtube video’s about consiousness and plantmedicine (the first time that it crost my path, I cried deeply because it touched my soul and my first ceremony was with plantmedicine ayahuasca in 2016, this was so healing) and my training family constellations as powerful tool for myself at that moment and for the future.
It’s so beautiful how the universe works. By silencing the mind, being open and trusting on the signals, brought magic into my life.
Of course everyone’s path is different and at the same time we are all connected with the source of life and that is what we have to remember. In everything that life offers, we have the opportunity to become ourselfs. Or rather the chance to remember our true selfs again.
It’s the ebb and flow movement, which I learned to surf on and I still do. It’s a ongoing process of growth. My confidence in myself, life and all the processes is growing each day. I have come to see experiences as gifts, when I look at them without judgement or feelings of guilt and dare to fully embrace them and feel them, I know now that it brings me closer to my true Self and real happiness.
I choose to follow my heart, listen to my intuition and my inner knowing. So I can experience coming home in myself. It’s feels like an onion where you can remove layer by layer and end up at the core.